Yet though I may have to juggle all those bills on a lower income than I have had previously I am not living on the streets. Though I am tired I am not exhausted from trying to till unproductive land so my family have enough to survive. I am not faced with overwhelming circumstances but choices and the need to be inwardly renewed each day (2 Cor 4.8).
Nearer to home I have had heartbreaking news where I want to scream at God for what has happened to friends I care about yet feel hopelessly equipped to say anything?
This isn't a guilt trip, it is a reminder to me that I continually need to be renewed and refreshed each day and continually centred on Jesus Christ, as an Anglican ordinand the daily office is so important and each time it involves confession yet I can say the words and not really understand the consequences. So I turn again to the Jesus Prayer:
"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."
And the miracle is he does!
"God comes to life for somebody not because you are good or wonderful, but because that is what God has done. So if we can shift our preoccupations, anxiety, and selfishness out of the way to put someone in touch with the possibility of God's healing, to the extent we are ourselves in touch with God's healing. So,if you gain your brother or sister, you gain God" Where God happens(Rowan Williams, 2007, 24)
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